Estranged Parents Are Finding Their Voice: Grieving Grandchildren (Blog Post 2 of 4)

More estranged parents are beginning to speak openly about their relationship with their adult child. One of the most frequent topics of conversation estranged parents have on social media, in virtual forums, and in coaching is the impact estrangement has on the grandparent-grandchild relationship.

Across social media groups, podcasts, online forums, and support communities, estranged parents are finding spaces to share experiences that have often been misunderstood or minimized. In these conversations, parents are discussing the strain or loss of their relationships with their adult children, as well as with their grandchildren.

It is important to acknowledge that some estrangements are necessary and warranted. That is no different when considering cutting off contact with children. Relationships need to be safe, protect children, and ensure the well-being of everyone involved.

For many grandparents, this loss carries a kind of grief. They mourn what was once usual with their grandchildren. They mourn missed birthdays, holidays, school events, milestones, and everyday moments that help build meaningful relationships across generations. In some cases, they mourn never having met their grandchildren at all.

Similar to the grief estranged parents experience when their adult child begins to pull away or goes no-contact, the unique grief they experience as grandparents is referred to as ambiguous. The loss of regular contact with or access to grandchildren adds yet another layer of grief to the already heartbreaking experience of a fracturing or no-contact relationship with their parent.

When an estranged adult child chooses to limit or cut off contact, the estranged parent has little to no recourse. In some cases, the distancing adult child may allow some degree of contact between their child or children and their parent(s). Too often, grandchildren are swept into their parents' choice to limit access to grandma and grandpa. The uncertainty of whether contact will ever be restored can make the grieving process particularly complicated for everyone involved.

A 2025 study of more than 500 young adults found that support received from grandparents during childhood was associated with greater emotional well-being in emerging adulthood (Stephenson, J. M., & Nelson, J. A., 2025). Importantly, this positive effect remained even when the grandparent had died before the grandchild reached adulthood, suggesting that the relationship's impact can last for years. Grandparents don't simply provide pleasant memories; they help build emotional resilience that can benefit grandchildren well into adulthood.

As estranged parents continue to find their voice, they are also challenging the assumption that grandparent grief is somehow less significant and unimportant. They are asking important questions about how to cope, how to honor their role as grandparents, and how to navigate the emotional impact of being separated from younger family members.

Know this, the day will come when a grandchild can choose. They too, will begin to think for themselves. They may be curious. They may reach out directly. They will be able to read everything written by both their grandparents and their parents. By preserving a constructive and positive connection through these simple strategies, even if it's one-sided for now, you will be prepared to demonstrate that you never let go, did not react or engage in negative or hurtful behavior, and did not stop thinking about them or caring.

One of the core beliefs of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away community is that you do not have to choose between hope and healing. You can continue loving your grandchildren and your adult children while also creating a meaningful life for yourself today.

You can grieve the relationship you miss while remaining open to what the future may hold.

You can leave the light on, miss them terribly, while finding purpose in your life.

And you can use this season to preserve connection, honor your grief, and grow into the healthiest version of yourself.

Your relationship with your grandchildren may be interrupted, but the love you hold for them remains part of your story. Sometimes, the most important work grandparents can do during estrangement is preparing themselves emotionally for whatever chapter comes next.

References

Stephenson, J. M., & Nelson, J. A. (2025). Grandparent support during childhood is associated with emotional wellbeing in emerging adulthood. Frontiers in Psychology, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1680383