A Love Letter to Sir Anthony and David Marchese: From One Estranged Parent to Another Parent and Adult Child

Dear Tony and David,

Thank you both for speaking so candidly and openly about the estrangements in your lives.

Find their interview here.

Specifically, thank you, David, for taking the personal risk of reframing and asking the more relevant and meaningful question(s), even when you became aware of Tony’s position on speaking about that aspect of his life. Tony, thank you for stepping back, listening openly to David as he respectfully reframed his questions and for recognizing his more private need to hear your thoughts and insights. For answering as a dad and husband. With respect for your daughter and the potential impact of speaking publicly about your estrangement.

When I heard your exchange and watched you both speak, I was astounded and deeply grateful. It isn’t often that an unrelated estranged parent and adult child take an opportunity and choose to openly and authentically talk. You provided us with a glimpse into your different and intertwined experiences with the mutually painful wounds that occur when the relationship between a parent and adult child fractures.

As a once-estranged mother of an adult daughter, I immediately recognized the rawness of a genuine human exchange about a desperately wanted but seemingly impossible relationship.

After years of trying to navigate a fracturing relationship with my adult daughter and a few years of complete silence, we've now spent several years rebuilding a trust-based and mutually respectful relationship. Even now, after working professionally for several years with families working hard to navigate their estrangement and reconnection, I firmly believe estrangement is not within anyone’s ken.

Who - parent or adult child - wants to be so wounded and rejected that estrangement is the best outcome?

Nothing about estrangement is easy. And, still after decades apart, people can and do find their way back.

Know you are not alone.

Gratefully,

Janet

Dr. Janet Steinkamp, EdD

Podcast: When Our Adult Children Walk Away

Website: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com